Author Archives: Chit Chat Charlie

Chit Chat Chunter #10: Am I Out-Witted?

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OK, a very quick question to my Chit Chat Chums this evening: have any of you ever managed to successfully purchase something from Urban Outfitters?

I very rarely shop on the high street, so I may simply be out of practice, but today honestly, I was well and truly…OutWitted?!

I always go in to Urban Outfitters thinking it looks just the ticket but then traipse around the endless (empty) floors of what I can only describe as ‘merchandise’, without so much as the desire to touch anything, never mind try it on.

So, I think I’m missing the concept, or the concept is missing me?

I guess it’s aimed at the urban-hipster type, which I am definitely (thankfully) not, but it just seems to promise so much and deliver so little. I feel like I’ve seen the whole offering within a 10 metre perimeter of the door and the rest is just filler.

And what an offering it is. I tried really hard today too. I swiftly identified the ‘sports-luxe’ section and the ‘faux-vintage’, yes…but also the hint of ‘kawai’, ‘retro’, ‘outdoorsy’, ’emo’…the list goes on. Where else can you simultaneously browse Calvin Kleins, cookery books, Stan Smiths and nail varnish? A supermarket?

Don’t get me wrong: I love a rifle through knick-knacks as much as the next shopper, but then I want it to be genuinely random, Car-Boot-Stylee.

I just think Urban Outfitters feels a little forced nowadays, like it’s got a little lost in its own identity. I definitely think high-street retailers can (and should) nod to multiple styles, but to be legitimate in this pursuit, there has to be volume of stock – take H&M as a classic example – not just a few sorry examples of each.

Urban Outfitters seems to be only dipping its toe into many many styles and as such the offering is diffuse and confusing.  It is at risk of becoming a parody of itself, like the very hipsters it is aiming to please, perhaps…

Answers on a postcard please (or in the comments below)!

Chit Chat Chunter #9: Make it a mystery.

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On a recent 2-hour train journey, I witnessed a transformation of sorts when a young lady doubled the length of her eye lashes and literally painted a face onto her skin as we dashed towards the city.

I can only assume the effort and effect was meant for someone not travelling on the train, someone who was never meant to witness the masking, the facial contortions and crumbling powders.

Recently, Michelle Keegan was applauded for appearing on morning TV without make-up, due I think to the tube strike and leaving no time to implement the disguise. And of course, she looked beautiful. So, would we have wanted to witness her being made into her “TV self” on air, the response to her appearance suggests not, at all.

As someone who barely wears make-up, I am probably unqualified to comment on it and there are lots of other blogging beauties who I will largely leave to cover the matter for that reason.

Don’t misinterpret me: I love make-up! 

But what I love is the mystique and intrigue; the artifice and artistry.

And, I suppose one of the reasons I don’t wear make-up day-to-day is to maintain its “special effect”.

After all, Sandy didn’t set up a stall at the fair to get her hair permed, peel on those leggings or apply the blue eye-shadow in front of Danny Zuko.

sandyI have always imagined her and Frenchie planning the “big reveal” the night before, doing her make-up in the morning, practising the famous one-liner. She knew the key to impact was the privacy of the makeover and hence her audience was, literally, on his knees.

So, like Sandy, I won’t be doing my make up in public; it spoils it for everyone. We don’t look nice when we’re doing it and we reveal our secrets. No one is going to be conned by our “au naturel” look if they’ve had to sit next to us whilst we apply the highlighter below the eye.

It does seem to be the thing to pout into a compact and apply a bold lip, and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted Sandy’s smile to fade at the fair, so I suppose that may be my only exception to the rule…if we must!

 

 

 

 

 

Chit Chat Chunter # 8: Middleton-Aged?

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One of my gorgeous, oldest friends recently revealed a most unflattering photo of herself, aged around 10, sporting what she claimed to be her “Diana-phase” hair – the “Di ’do”, if you will. After first reeling at what hairdresser, even in the early 1990’s, would do such a thing to a child, I have realised that in her way, the eponymous Diana probably was something of a style-icon, even then.

And, who could forget that photo of her, nearing 40, in the simplest of black one-pieces, legs akimbo on the yacht?  A big “f&*k-you” to the world and, in that pose, iconic, I think.

Today, apparently Kate Middleton shifts clothes faster than anyone else. It seems she only has to don an Edwardian-inspired frock coat, for the masses to flock…really? Seriously, who wears a twinset and a box clutch when they’re picking up bin bags from Aldi? And the Daily Mail’s usual round of photos memorialising us glorious Brits on our New Year’s Eve “night out”, did not to my memory, show many ladies in weighted-hem, below-the-knee A-lines.

Do we also pursue our current favourite Royals’ preference for dressing their children like London refugees waiting to board a train for Wales? I mean, I love a bit of corduroy as much as the next girl, but braces and patent sandals for a boy toddler of the post-millennial age?  And surely, no male needs a receding side-parting at the img_0274age of 2? Why the imposed premature ageing?

My favourite K-Middy outfits definitely date from before her days   as a Royal: the one of her in a friend’s University fashion show is fun and cheeky; the one of her playing hockey with her sister is bold and utilitarian.

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I do make one exception here for the exquisite Catherine Walker double-breasted red dress coat and dress, that Kate Middleton wore for her arrival on the New Zealand tour of 2014. Elegant, yes, but for me there was also just enough hint of the working air hostess / Cheryl Cole’s Fight for this Love about it to elevate it to stylishly fun.

I suppose you could argue that her usual choices today are utilitarian – apparently the clutches serve to avoid unnecessary handshakes – but why no more fun? Why so ageing, again?

Of course, it is definitely positive for young women to have style icons who are resplendent in their modesty and sophistication; without a “belfie” in sight, understatement as a statement in kind.  

But, isn’t there are a more of-this-time, of-one’s-age option for Kate? If she is to be the icon for our age, I’d just love to see the styling lighten up more often. img_0275

What about some Moschino or Mui Mui or even Sonia Rykiel? Or for “off-duty/ casual” what about some Anya Hindmarch accessories for a nod to British design, or a Charlotte Olympia flat perhaps?

I’m certainly not suggesting that K-Middy should go all out Kim-K; keeping nude to a footwear choice is definitely preferable. I just suspect that for today’s most coveted, most stylish Royal, the court does not always have to be so beige.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chit Chat Chunter # 7: On the most stylish response to the 5p bag tax

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Hi All,

Just a very quick chirp from me today to share with you my ultimate response to The 5p Issue.

As I was dashing around The Asda (as my chum would say…) I was overcome by panic: no small fold-able bag had I about my person. What to do?

But then..of course…

IMG_3916I have been carting around the Largest-Handbag-Known-To-Man, to much general disdain, for the past 3 years and today, as I knew it would, came its glory day.

Not sure that Louis V had in mind that his bag would be receptacle to a dozen Muller Light Yoghurts and some Bernard Matthews chicken, but needs must, needs must.

Problem. Sorted. 

Catch you later my Chit Chat Chums!

Chit Chat Chunter #6: On the waterfall cardigan

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So, waterfall cardigans…

In many ways, they offer the features of the perfect over-garment, especially now someone, in their (apparently misogynistic) wisdom, has decided to cool our office daily to just short of Arctic.

And yet, for me, they’re a perpetual sartorial conundrum.

Firstly, how does one appropriately drape the bosom: over, around? Ought the plumes to flow over the precipice or snake their way down the sides? There are no buttons, obviously, which would suggest the fabric ought to flow around, but then you’re left with a chesty chasm and whole point of the cardigan is negated, surely?

So, what does ones wear under it in that case?

A shirt is no good; a collar and draping knitwear – nope. Same goes for a turtle neck – again, there’d be too much fabric about the neck. So, vest top..? Don’t get me started – that brings me to a whole other domain of dilemmas (for another time…) So, just a plain t-shirt I guess?

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Furthermore, if one has  opted to encircle IMG_3726the bosom, then the fold of the fabric doesn’t ebb and flow in quite the right way and you end up with the inside-out bit displayed – very problematic if you’re dealing with an intarsia, patterned knit,as you can see here on the left.

I find I’m always tempted then to draw the whole thing around me, which doesn’t help matters, at all – see right.

Ultimately, I think the truth is that the waterfall cardigan has suffered that style relegation worse than mass-market: it has become pregnancy wear.

Just watch out for it: when someone in the office starts wearing the waterfall cardigan, it’s usually only a matter of months. Perhaps that is its point: it is meant as a distraction garment, by its very (bewildering) design?

Anyway, given this realisation, I am now suspicious of the enthusiasm generated by my attempt at wearing one last week – so much joy for a rather rogue cardie?  

And yet, I still feel like there ought to be potential there, so, anyone have any tips, if so please share?!

Chit Chat Chunter #5: On the transformative power of the shoe

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When I was little, I passionately believed that Clarks’ Magic Steps held the key (literally) to my social emancipation. But, of course, such frivolity was frowned upon by my parents and I was denied that particular route out of isolation, along with many more throughout my education.

Even as a 6 year old, I understood the potential of a particular shoe. And the transformative powers of footwear have been proved repeatedly through literature to be a matter of simple truth: only once Puss had his boots could he make a serious attempt on fortune in London; where would Dorothy have been without the tap of the red heels and how fiercely did the Ugly Sisters try to force that slipper to fit? From mere perambulation to passage through the portals of fortune, it is, inevitably, the shoe that carries us through.

Today, nearly all my outfits start from the feet up: is it a significant-shoe-day? Do I want a heel or a flat? Preppy or street? Style or comfort? Only once I’ve decided on my shoe can I begin to contemplate what else I might wear, otherwise I’m lost.

Speaking of the significant shoe – look at this beauty that a good friend recently sported with a frock…I just love this so much – I think it’s the white base that makes it pop so!

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Anyway, imagine my astonishment when one of my oldest, dearest chums revealed on Friday during lunch that she had not bought a pair of shoes for A YEAR. Whilst I have genuine admiration for such restraint, I do feel like we all need to let the shoe work its magic from time to time.

And, my darling chum’s current choice of shoe really was a case in point….What a shame to have teamed a lovely stripy tunic, cool denim jacket and burgundy tights with this …

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So, of course, my other chum (something of a fashionista extraordinaire) and I marched Chum 1 off to the high-street to remedy the situation immediately. Chum 1 being less beholden to the vagaries of fashion than Chum 2 and I, we knew that we were working within a strict set of guidelines. To have any chance, the recommend article had to be quality, sturdy, with no heel and above all, comfortable. So of course with the criteria in mind, there was really only one brand to countenance: Clarks.

And I really cannot say enough good things about Clarks at the moment. They have successfully made the transition from shoes that always looked a bit “special”, to shoes that are especially fab. Yes, one does still have to keep an eye out for the odd wrong’un, but at least 75% of this year’s A/W collection is wearable, covetable even.

Within 10 minutes, we had identified the perfect solution (“shoelution”? Too much?) and to say it lifted the outfit is an understatement – see for yourselves!

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I think you’ll agree on this total transformation from student chic to, well, just chic, in one swift fastening of a buckle.

And, yes, you’re right: there really is an air of the Magic Steps to these beauties;  the circle really is unbroken and I was clearly right all along.  

Chit Chat Chunter #4: I’ve got it covered, thanks. 

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Hello there!

Sorry it’s been a while – we’re on our hols you see. But fear not, I’ve plenty to report on, of course!

Firstly, tanning. Or should I say the Continentals’ persistent concern with my lack of tan.

So here’s the thing: I’m blonde, I’m freckly, I’m fair skinned. I’m a Celt through and through – born in Wales, the daughter of a Bretonne. My stature and colourings make my annual arrival on the Riviera akin to the arrival of the Vikings in Roman England. And don’t the Latins like to let me know it.

I’m not new to the persistent fascination that my paleness occasions on the Continent. From my earliest years of beach play surrounded by beautiful, swarthy-skinned French cousins, me plastered in that level of sun cream that never really rubs in, I have long felt the injustice of porcelain’s low value compared to leather.

The chances of me ever being brown are laughable…and yet over many years I have honed my own technique to achieving something of a summer hue, in my own way and in my own time. This year, I even presented myself starkers to my favourite beauty lady (sorry for the flabby bits love – you know who you are!) in the name of trying to have a golden glow faked on before arrival.

Still not enough, it would seem, to avoid the glare of the sun, bystanders and the whole of Europe. Although prepared for the Father-in-law’s usual ‘la petite Anglaise’ discourse, imagine my indignation when, a day in, the bread lady, numerous men on the market and then, a child (of the aforementioned golden-skinned variety) had all expressed mixed fascination with and concern for my skin.
Honestly, I’m over 30 years old guys, believe me, I have it both metaphorically and literally covered. As they say in France: “you look after your own onions and I’ll look after mine”.

By following my own meticulously honed technique….

  • Start with factor 30 and work your way down to 15, never lower and always every inch covered
  • Take advantage of prime bronzing times between 9am – 11am and 5pm – 7pm, stay away from 12pm – 4pm
  • Never be tempted to burn to brown – it slows down your tanning and looks very vulgar

…I do actually tan, in moderation, quite nicely for a blonde. Thanks very much.

And let’s face it: well-worn, aged, wrinkled, saggy 70 year-old leather looks great on a handbag….I think you know what I’m saying.

Chit Chat Cherish #3:  How to flip flop.

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Hello! 

Thought I’d share my latest bits and pieces for my holiday, starting with flip flops; and this, needless to say, has got me thinking.

Yikes, I know…flip flops (or thongs as you lovely Americans like to say! ❤️) are tricky. 

Personally I have a few rules, the most important of which is that they are for the beach ONLY. 

On the sand, we have all made an unspoken agreement to bare parts of our body otherwise reserved for the beautician (…or partners from time to time…) , so it’s fair game. But seriously, people walking down Bradford high street in flat rubber flip flops, or worse, wearing them to the office? Nope. 

It’s not even the toes that offend – sandals can be considered in all contexts. It’s something about the bearing of the sole and, for that matter, the soul too. At best it says ‘I don’t want to be here’ or ‘I’ve not given my Summer footwear enough thought this season’, at worst it betrays ‘I live miles from the sea but I’m hanging on to my adolescent ‘surfer babe’ self’. 

But then, there really is no other item for the beach. To add to this, Mr Chit Chat declared his hatred of my previous (free-from-a-magazine) pair. 

Like I said: tricky. 

Also, I don’t want to pay out top dollar for what is never going to be more than a few strips of material – even if it is leather. So if, like me, you wore Havianas 15 years ago, before they were sold in TopShop, this is a real quandary. 

Anyway, I’ve settled on this pair for the holidays and I think they’re broadly inoffensive?

  
These are from Tory Burch at The Outnet for, I think, £22 instead of £50 ish, which I think is acceptable. Keep checking as there’s been a few different arrivals of them. 

I don’t usually do florals, but in this case my sole/soul will be disguising the pattern, amongst other things. 😉

Chit Chat Challenge #1: A reasonably priced travel jewellery box / case / roll please!

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Hello Chit Chat Chums,

Here’s the thing… me and Mr. Chit Chat are heading off en vacances soon – yay! 

So, I’m in need of some sort of equipment for rationalising my jewellery on holiday.IMG_1985

Much as I know that the stars like to parade around the beach bling-bedecked, I just can’t… sand and sun cream and water and…real jewellery? Nope. Maybe they’re wearing cheap tat for impact? Anyway, I need it to be stored safely a la maison whilst I crisp…

What I’d like ideally is a medium sized leather case with a zip. Whilst I’ve seen just the thing at Louis V and Smythson, unfortunately, I can’t stretch that far…

Anyone seen anything suitable around the £50 mark that I could acquire online?

Hope you can help, let me know in the comments below!

Cheers Chums xxx

Chit Chat Cherish #2: The leopard and the salmon

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Have I shared my love of leopard with you yet? Well, be prepared to hear lots about it, for my affair with feline fash is long standing and definitely not set to dwindle with so many great pieces out there.

On this note, I wanted to share with you my new pumps, which, needless to say, I adore!!Leopard

These beauties are from Boden, whose footwear has long been a favourite of mine. They come in a variety of patterns, but for me it was leopard or bust.

Well, I say that… the truth is there were times when I thought me and these beauts were not meant to be at all: we’ve been through some hard times already.

First, I ordered online and whilst the obligatory striped Breton tops arrived swiftly, no sign of the shoes – a little shy I thought? Weeks later, I had still received no shoes, no signs, no messages and it was only when I called up that I was told they had in fact sold out of these pumps after all, result: me not a happy bunny (or should I say kitty…?)

After endless mediation emails with the eponymous “Susan Salmon” (could they have thought of a more ridiculous customer service pseudonym?), I was eventually rewarded £10 for my troubles and, trying to be reasonable, settled on the Pony print pair instead (although of course, my heart was really with leo…).

Anyway, the lovely “Susan” then got in touch to let me know that the Leopard pair might be coming back into stock. Hooray: “Pony Schmony; size 40 please”.

When, finally the spotty package arrived, my instinct about the pumps’ supreme beauty was confirmed, but alas, so were my suspicions about our difficult relationship: why couldn’t they just fit?  Prepared to make a final move for reconciliation, I immediately checked online to see if they were showing in stock in a 41 (absurd, right?); they weren’t. But, as a last ditch attempt to save our relationship, I made a final call and then, there they were, in my arms at last!

And I love them; our relationship is very much back on track and I have learned some valuable lessons:

  • Never take an online “no” for an answer, always call too
  • Beware correspondence with fishy-sounding, alliterated ladies
  • And finally, LOVE LEOPARD, NEVER LET IT GO!